sj

Hey! Sorry it has been a little while since I scribbled any words to my friends out there. I have been busy. Struggling. Working through some unfinished projects, unearthed some old personal tragedies, and found a whole new meaning to my questions I thought I answered. The answers never come easy and the questions perpetually pile.

First I was fired from Pies because of insubordination what a crock of fine Southern fried shit.  The story is long and the punchline not to memorable, so I won’t bore you with it. I will let you read the words that fired me.

“johnny?”

“What?”

“Outside.”

“Let me punch in first.”

“No need.” Those words were enough to tell me that my reign as the night Expo at Pies and Thighs was over. I followed the Fat jerry Garcia wanna be looking fuck out the door.

“Hey man. I know you understand what I’m about to say, but it has really come to a head.”

“Huh. I didn’t know it was festering?”

“Why are you such an ass? You don’t take anything seriously.  You are being fired. Fuck, man”

“Oh that’s what this is about. Neat. Go fuck yourself!”

The end of Pies and Thighs….Lies and Alibies….The reason behind all of this is long and drawn out. But put it this way. They were in the wrong.

Next:

I have come to understand something about myself. I am OBSESSIVE COMPLUSIVE<<<HAHA

Yup. It doesn’t matter what I am obsessive about. People are my worse compulsion. It doesn’t matter if it is just a friend or a lover. Sex or running partner. I build up this need to be with them and protect them within three days of meeting a new friend. Usually by three weeks, I almost implode and wither the person tells me to hit the road or they are still standing there trying to figure out what happened. I happened. I fear I am going to lose them within three weeks so I try to protect them from the world and save them for me. It is so wrong because I have probably driven away so many potential friends or lovers this way.

My newest compulsion has gone from my friend with benefits to the person I am proud to call my lover. Proud to say yeah I am falling in love with this guy. He stuck with me through my breakdown and understood the part he played. He is very intelligent, great looking, kind and caring. He cares what happens to me. He cares how I feel. He worries about my health. He is something I want and need in my life and I am so lucky to have him………more later..