Last night I had to screen a patient’s urine at work. Not
out of the ordinary but annoying. I really hate having to stand in a bathroom
while someone tries to beat the urine screening and get over on me because they cannot stop smoking pot.
(Next blog: my take on marijuana and addiction.) He tells me while he is peeing
that the last clinic he was at there was a mirror set up so the faggot who did
the toxicology screens could get off while clients pissed.
Was I offended? Yes. Did I show it? No. I told him the guy
might be a homosexual but I am sure it is part of the job because people like
to give other people’s urine in place of their own. Clients think they are
slick and can beat a urine test all kinds of creative ways. Presently we have a
client whom is doing this exactly. He thinks he is so cunning.
He even pours the remainder into the toilet so it appears he
is peeing. Class act! Too bad when I twist the cover on the sample bottle the
urine is as cold as the dead. I asked him about this and he said keep holding
it and it will warm up. Now that’s intelligence. He has pretty much cut his own
throat. We will do an onsite next week after his normal routine and he thinks
he got over again.
Back to the mirror, and the new patient:
So, he feels that all homosexuals get off watching other
guys pee. I did not disclose my sexuality because it is none of his business
but I assured him many homosexual men and women find it quite humiliating to
have to be in a room with another man pissing. I don’t even like to be in the
bathroom with my husband when he is using the toilet. I’m not into “water
sports” and most people feel the same way.
I asked him why he feels that a man would get off doing this
and would he get off if a woman were peeing in front of him. He said because it
is a dick. I laughed. He answered the second question stating something like
“if she were hot…” .
My rebuttal was: “So you are assuming your hot and you have
a nice dick and in actuality you want this gay man to see it and be jealous
that he cannot have it? Or maybe the image of you peeing will make him so
bothered he will masturbate to it later?”
Before he spoke I asked him to glance at the men and women
in the clinic next time he is in group. I said: “Those are the people in every
clinic; people who are fucked up, just out of prison, avoiding prison, tore up
from the streets, and any other fucked up scenario.
He didn’t understand. I explained by asking him why he
thinks a man would want to get off watching another man pee for three seconds.
“Furthermore a dirty fucked up man who lives in a shelter? You are giving the
clients too much credit.
The problem is having to pee is degrading and you choose to
make it seem like the people collecting the urine enjoy it. We are just doing
our job. The guy at the other clinic is sick of being (beat) by clients who
think they are smooth. If they were so smooth they wouldn’t be peeing in a
fucking cup.
Now can we leave this fucking bathroom I have to go save the
picture I clicked of you peeing? Haha!
Then I said, seriously I hope this talk helped you overcome
your fear of faggots because I would worry more about those in closet or
straight. My point clearly is that if you are reading this and you might have
put yourself in a position where your piss needs to be screened for drugs (YES
MARIJUANA IS A DRUG) the person whom is collecting said piss is just doing his job.
Your addiction keeps us in business. Your behavior keeps us in business.
Remember this, we are not interested in catching a glimpse of your unwashed
tiny prick. This is the uncomfortable part of our job watching you humiliate
yourself while you piss in a cup.
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